Thinking about Seroquel again

I have been thinking again about Seroquel, which is produced by AstraZeneca  whom I officially hate. I know this sounds rather childish. They have ruined my life as I knew it. 

I started taking Seroquel in 2005, I was mis-diagnosed with Bi-Polar II. I have several mental illnesses that I am medicated for. (See previous post: Depression and Other Issues ). 

I am currently in a very depressed state and this has been coming on for a few months. I have to think perhaps the missing Seroquel is causing this. I also think it has to do with dealing with the major health issues I have been dealing with since my D dx in Sept.  I see PsychDoc tomorrow and am going to address this issue with him. If this is the case, I am clearly in need of some other kind of medication to make up for the Seroquel, so I can get off it for good and start to not feel so down and out. I have been logging my meds for the month of March, how I am feeling etc on a sheet to take to him tomorrow. I am sure this will help with things. I also have to start letting them know how I really feel. This is not the time to "put on that happy face", "shake things off" or generally sugar coat (mmmmmsugar) my emotions and feelings. 

I did contact AstraZeneca before, they did respond with a lame attempt at a condascending response telling me they would be "passing this email along to the internal research core" or something like that. Hey, I am going to look for the email in my important papers box and post it here...ok, I just went through my emails and found the one I was talking about. I re read it first, and seeing it was not so fresh in my mind and I was not so angry as in Sept, I found a line in it I had missed before. She had asked me to give her permission to contact my FamDoc. !!! Ok, I will take the blame for missing that line, although it was strange, she sent one email, recalled it, sent a second one (with the contact info line), which is I suppose why I missed it?

I just composed an email in return, which after I talk to my Doc tomorrow will send to her with the appropriate information attached. I am sitting here red faced. 

I must go now.

Re-Arranging the Furniture and how I hate it so! Accck!

I am very much a creature of habit. I like things to stay the same (in certain cases, heck, in most cases). I like to be at home. When I am not home I am thinking about how nice it is going to be to be home. I suffer from agoraphobia.

I do not rearrange my furniture. I used to do it, but stopped...I blame this on the OCD and knowing where everything is so if I care to stumble out in the darkness of night I can maneuver my way to the couch, computer, kitchen or bathroom without a light on. Lights on irritate me. (omgosh I sound pretty strange the farther I go with this)

So, last Monday I took down my Christmas tree and packed up another year of memories. My daughter had suggested to me that "perhaps you should move your kitchen/dining table over to the window where the tree was?" , of course I balked! (she usually doesn't even talk such trash to me any more!) 

As the boxes were put away, the vacuuming done... there was of course this "hole" left by the tree that really could handle the table and it would/might be nice to sit by the window with my morning coffee?! So I did it. I had to take it in baby steps with first the table, then a sit on the couch to view it and stop being irritated. Then one chair, the couch sitting and so on. Hmmmm, this actually looked pretty darn good! It also freed up a lot of space in the centre of the room which was a good thing. I carry on with general cleaning all the time glancing at the table and getting more acquainted with the change. 

All is good, I love it there... it is now Wednesday. Lovely daughter pops in and comments on the "love" in the room and we have a quick talk about her moving at the end of the month and I now have a couple of empty boxes for her, pointed them out and now she mentions "if those boxes are gone, you could move the computer desk over there, move the "kitchen dresser" (an antique dresser I have spices and kitchen stuff in) over to where the computer was" and just pretty much change everything! OMG, she has lost it,I figure. 

I go run a couple of errands which takes less than an hour, I come home and strangely... the two boxes are on my front porch. WTH? I think? I open the door and step in... I swear to someone else's apartment! The boxes are indeed gone, the dresser is over where the comp desk was, the comp is moved, plugged in and set up, vacuum is out and everything is cleaned up, daughter, son in law and grandkids are all sitting around looking proud as punch, smiling like some sneaky foxes. She had told me they were going to do their own errands, I did not think this included MY home! I am in shock! It does look better, freed up some more walking space and generally has a better "chi" than before. (I will not admit this to them, yet) 

I was so stressed out by this I barely slept last night... I had to get up and check it out over and over (OCD, anyone??) As I sit here now writing this my back is to the TV, so I can't compute and TV at the same time, ackkkk! This has messed up my morning routine, heavily.   

In order to see if I can actually handle it, I am going to leave it like this for a few days. I am chomping at the bit to change it back. I am having anxiety over this like it is a real problem when in fact it is just daily living. 

 OK, I am strange indeed. I should be able to handle this like a "normal" person, but OMG I am losing it. Change is "normal" I am told. "Change" is good I am told.  

Sheeeesh! God help me get through this and leave things in this new way, because it really is just: A good Thing.

Just had to rant, vent, rave on like a lunatic. Thanks for giving me the place to do it!

CrazyAsAFoxCass