Thinking about Seroquel again

I have been thinking again about Seroquel, which is produced by AstraZeneca  whom I officially hate. I know this sounds rather childish. They have ruined my life as I knew it. 

I started taking Seroquel in 2005, I was mis-diagnosed with Bi-Polar II. I have several mental illnesses that I am medicated for. (See previous post: Depression and Other Issues ). 

I am currently in a very depressed state and this has been coming on for a few months. I have to think perhaps the missing Seroquel is causing this. I also think it has to do with dealing with the major health issues I have been dealing with since my D dx in Sept.  I see PsychDoc tomorrow and am going to address this issue with him. If this is the case, I am clearly in need of some other kind of medication to make up for the Seroquel, so I can get off it for good and start to not feel so down and out. I have been logging my meds for the month of March, how I am feeling etc on a sheet to take to him tomorrow. I am sure this will help with things. I also have to start letting them know how I really feel. This is not the time to "put on that happy face", "shake things off" or generally sugar coat (mmmmmsugar) my emotions and feelings. 

I did contact AstraZeneca before, they did respond with a lame attempt at a condascending response telling me they would be "passing this email along to the internal research core" or something like that. Hey, I am going to look for the email in my important papers box and post it here...ok, I just went through my emails and found the one I was talking about. I re read it first, and seeing it was not so fresh in my mind and I was not so angry as in Sept, I found a line in it I had missed before. She had asked me to give her permission to contact my FamDoc. !!! Ok, I will take the blame for missing that line, although it was strange, she sent one email, recalled it, sent a second one (with the contact info line), which is I suppose why I missed it?

I just composed an email in return, which after I talk to my Doc tomorrow will send to her with the appropriate information attached. I am sitting here red faced. 

I must go now.

Slip sliding away

Hi there, I just wanted to post some of my feelings and thoughts about how things have been going with me. 

I have slowly developed (only been dx since Sept'07) some kind of non caring, non compliant, I don't give a rats bu tt attitude. This basically started around xmas time, but I am having one heck of a time shaking it, he ll, I can't shake it at all. 

I was going full bore, doing great! My latest A1C is 6.0 but omg, my next one is going to be a doozey. I have been eating bread, potatoes, crackers.. almost anything goes. I generally still manage to keep to sugar free pop but last night was too lazy (tired all the time again, high bs numbers) to "walk down the stairs" to the store! Yes, I live above a convenience store and I was too lazy to go and grab a Fresca so slammed down a regular can of coke, after of course, 2 bowls of ice cream, 2 hours pp, 13.9 (250)!!

My mental state is diminishing as quickly as my numbers rise, feeling guilt, self hatred and generally feeling that I can't get control of this. Has this finally just hit me? That Ireally am Diabetic? It is progressive and at the same time completely up to me to control? I CAN'T HANDLE THIS MUCH CONTROL OVER MYSELF. I REALLY CAN NOT!

I read threads and posts of other members who have been dealing with this for time immemorial and I am in awe of the self control, the hard work and the effort put into remaining healthy. I read threads and posts of newer members and am in awe at their enthusiasm, their questions and searching for knowledge.

I am exhausted by this game. I hate it. I have had it with playing. 

4 months. A mere drop in time. 

and yes, I have drawn deeply from the cool waters of kwiturbit-chin , but I really do feel down Sorry if this has offended anyone

Cass