I also have been dx with numerous other "lables" including, PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), anxiety, BPD (borderline personality disorder) (I always wonder about this one, does it mean I don't really have a personality??!? or that the one I have is just...almost there?? or that I am a foul and evil creature put here (by the aliens, of course) that has NO personality at all??! or, as I think it really means, it that for whatever reason my personality never developed as a normal one would. OK, this just sounds insane... so does it mean that then? OCD with perfectionism, I am a germophobe, I have agoraphobia, and the list goes on.
There have been studies that are ongoing as to perhaps certain medical problems while young lead to the whole Serotonin uptake problems. Mine was a Staph infection, perhaps Measles, Mumps, Chickenpox, the usual kiddie illnesses of the time.
I take one big pile of meds in a day which while taking them I am considered "normal", if I miss them, I know I am getting out of control in a very short amount of time.
In the mornings I take... 60mg Celexa (depression and anxiety), Clonazepam 2mg, anxiety, Seroquel 50mg (known to cause Diabetes and then also to contribute to high blood sugars while still in use, also causes massive weight gain, 100lbs for me)this one is for OCD and depression+anxiety, it is also prescribed for Schizophrenia, which amazingly enough, I don't have. I have successfully weaned myself from 800mg/day of this to 100mg/day, just had a Psych meeting yesterday and he recommends I stay with that number, so I fight the BS #s all the time. Then added to this mess are my "body" pills which include, 500mg Metformin, 40mgLipitor, (cholesterol) Accuretic 20/25mg (high blood pressure).
Then comes lunch, lucky break here, just 2mg Clonazepam.
By this time I usually need a nap, I am indeed in some kind of drug induced haze... I don't drive in the afternoons, which is just fine for me because I don't like to go out anyhow. I screen phone calls all day, deciding if I "feel" like talking to my friends/family at all. This has been a newer thing for me, I am slowly back sliding into the depths of this, not wanting contact with pretty much anyone. Which is why I come here.
Suppertime, 2mg Clonazepam, 50mg Seroquel, food and then sometimes, more sleep.
I then awaken to try and spend some time with my son. If I am having a good day and manage to not sleep at all, these are great days, good moods and wonderful times. (sounds a little Bi-polar to me, which I was previously dx'd with, but they decided maybe not)
Bedtime then, whether I nap or not, without medication I do NOT sleep at night. I have always been a night owl. I chose my trade based on this (Baker) as I can be up and working at 1, 2 or3AM without a problem. So, bedtime meds... Zopiclone 15mg (highest recommended dose) used for getting to sleep aka Imovane or in the States, Lunesta and Trazodone 100mgsedative and anti depressant. This one is also supposed to keep me asleep once the Zopiclone gets me there.
When I take these meds, I am down and out for at least 5 hours, which for me is a long time. Most people get 8 hours but my body is, as usual, getting used to these as well. I have been taking this pairing for about 3 years. I sleep so hard that anything could happen around me and I will not wake up. Sometimes I am too scared to take them at all and will just "run a night shift" when I end up playing WoW online, watching tv trying to sleep or do some cleaning.
So, in closing I guess, I have been suffering clinical depression for so long that I really do not know what anything else feels like. I don't think I became any more so when dx with the D (in Sept'07) or perhaps that is why I am in such a funk now. Oh yeah! I also am affected by SAD (seasonal affective disorder) and am in the midst of a good case of that right now. I cannot wait for the sun to shine again!
I consider myself a functioning prescription addict but when I discuss this with my PsychDoc he says I am working towards getting better so for the now to just continue with the way things are. It was my choice to eliminate the Seroquel, he is proud of me for that. Once that one is gone, I am going after the Clonazepam, being it is a benzodiazipine, I want off it, too.
Without these medications, I don't think at this point I would be functioning at all. They are as much a part of my makeup as my D is, the high blood pressure or any of the other things I need/have to take. I am not unintelligent, flailing along or a complete drain on the system (I do work, although not at baking at the moment). Sometimes I am embarrassed by this. Most of the time in fact, which is why a forum like this makes it easy to just be me. I don't have to "act in a certain way" be embarrassed about my "inadequacies" or behave in a certain manner to fit in.
I am just me.
CassFullOfMeds
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